I am supposed to be doing research for my 2 group presentations next week and my group paper due the week after that. I have too much to do and absolutely no motivation to get it done. Well, maybe 10% of the amount of motivation that I should have. Crud.
But instead, here I am doing what I would much prefer doing - looking at blogs, thinking about writing my story, and writing blog posts.
It's difficult to be in the last stretch of grad school for a career you're no longer very excited about. Because all I want to do is focus on what I want my career to be now, and that is write novels. I still like therapy when I'm in the room with a client. But that's it.
Or maybe it's not that I don't like it. Because I do. But I'm not passionate about it. I never have been. I looked forward to it. Felt that it was the right thing to do. Wanted to help people. But I was never passionate about it. The thought of it never kept me up at night with excitement. I never got distracted from other things because I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I'm passionate about writing now. I never thought that would happen to me. I thought therapy was the way to go for me. The thing I could do, do it well, and enjoy.
And well, it looks like there are other things I could do. The level of success is still to be determined. But the enjoyment just blows therapy away.
And I don't really know how to reconcile these things. And so then I am stuck.
How do YOU deal with conflicting desires like this? Should I just suck it up and do what I've invested so much time and energy into, that I'm good at, that benefits people? Or should I invest time into my new passion and see where that goes?
I can't leave therapy behind completely - I have mounds of student loans to pay off and need a job to do it with! Plus, even if I were able to write for a living, I would probably still want to do therapy at least one day a week.
But if I don't invest into the writing dream, will I ever get there? I don't know. HELP!!!
Other things on my mind today:
1. I joined Twitter. I have NO CLUE how to use it. I haven't tweeted anything yet. I'm following some people, but I'm confused. Does anyone have a Twitter FOR DUMMIES book I can borrow? Or just some hints on how to get started? Cause I'm clueless.
- When I got home from my mission in 2010, after not using any social media or electronics for 18 months, my sister asked me, "Do you know what Twitter is?" I said no - I didn't even know what kind of a thing Twitter was! A restaurant? A hygiene tool? A way to punch stupid people, aka twits? No clue. She looked at me, dumbfounded, and said, "Wow, you really are an alien!" Alas, I believe I still am - PLEASE HELP!
2. Thursday night I looked up independent book stores in my area. Because truth be told, I only know of Barnes & Noble and a few Half-Price Books in the area. I wanted to find something a bit more homey and less commercialized to give some business to. You know, support small business and all that. In all of the big city I live in, there are only 4 independent book stores. How sad is that?! There are two that I am interested in and can't wait to check out. I was planning on taking a break from studying by going to the closest one this afternoon. But then I realized I really should wait til the bulk of my assignments are done. Use it as an incentive to actually do my work and all. it's the smart, responsible thing to do. But ugh - I don't want to be smart and responsible.
3. I can't wait for City of Bones to come out in a few months. Sis and I were looking at production stuff for the movie and can I just say? Kevin Zegers is a freaking stud. I can't wait to see him as Alec. I'm a little obsessed with him at the moment. So much so that I looked at his imdb to see if there were any movies he's in on netflix. Well, I found one from 2006 - It's a Boy Girl Thing - about him and that chick who played Summer in the Mentalist, who magically switched bodies because they were arguing in front of an old Axtec statue of the god of sorcery. It's a pretty cheesy movie, but I ended up liking it more than I expected. Mainly because it was hilarious watching Kevin act like a girl in a guy's body. And you know, he's incredibly hot. His dimples make me melt inside. And his lips. And... and... well, everything about him. If you're in the mood for a cheesy rom-com with a gorgeous male lead, check that one out.
From Cassandra Clare's Tumblr *here
I love him. Seriously.
Okay, I guess that's enough of a distraction. Back to studying. Yuck.
Hope you're all having a fantastic weekend!