The good things

So, my last post was hard to write. Probably hard to read. 

Here's something not so serious. 

Catch-up for the last 4 months! In reverse order. 

1 - Allegiant 

Finally!! Great day, what a ride that was. 

I had so many feels the whole time. And of course, at the end. I sobbed and leaked tears all over the pages of my precious book. (And lets be honest, probably some snot, too). 

It was not at all what I expected, but I do accept it. Veronica is my homegirl and Divergent will always be the book that inspired me to write a novel. And my favorite book for a long time. I don't want to rule out the possibility of something overpassing it, but it sure would take one helluva book to do that. 

My copy, right before I started reading. Just noticed the blue in the wave totally matches my sheets. :)

You know how you just grab whatever is nearby for a bookmark sometimes? My cute little brown bear became a bookmark once. I'm so weird. You can also see my heating pad - the blue thing - a necessary accessory for any RA reader. 

2 - Pumpkins with Malorie and Allie

After learning that Mal is having another little girl and that she is, praise God, perfectly healthy, we made a stop at a pumpkin patch. We didn't get nearly as many pictures this year as last, but it's okay. Allie carried around as many mini pumpkins as her little 3 year old arms could carry, that little adorable babe! I snapped this picture right before she stood up from smelling the flowers...

What a stinkin' cutie. And she still has two littles in her arm. 

We got one big pumpkin and one small pumpkin just for Allie. It was so hard to pick one because they all had scratches and parts that looked like it was about to mold away. So, we got the best we could of each. Then we went home and painted them. I learned I much prefer painting pumpkins to carving them. Carving with RA hands is like the hardest thing in the world. I also learned (well, relearned cause I've known it for a long time) that I have paint anxiety. Luckily we started to mixing colors and that made it okay to mess up. :)

The pumpkin we all painted together. Mal did the wave, I did the dark blue behind it and we all three did the color mixing on the rest of it. But mostly Allie. She also did the purple on the stem. 

3 - BYU Football game at Reliant Stadium

BYU came and played University of Houston. Brother came down and Dad, brother, Sarah, my friend Justine, and I went to the game. It was intense!! But in the last 2 minutes, we won! 

Sarah and I 

Justine and I after the game ended. The end was just so intense. Please note the man behind us. What is he so impassioned about?!

Yes, I totally read a bit when I got too overstimulated by the noise and all the people. Introvert, much?

4 - Doctor Who

I mentioned in my last post that I have become a Whovian. I started the second week of August and finished the modern seasons by the middle of September. Sarah, Mom, Becca, and I have all fallen in love with it. My niece Andie has some too, but she hasn't been able to watch as much as us cause of school and bedtimes and such. Becca has been behind us because of working nights so any time I go home, we pick up wherever she is and watch. Recently we watched the beginning of season 6 with the Silence and I decided we needed to play along. 

Wait, why do I have these marks on my arm? I can't remember... 

5 - Professor River Socks

Andie's friend's cat had kittens and she got one. Her name was originally just Socks when we got her, but with my strong encouragement, Andie and Becca decided to name her Professor River Socks. Any combination of those names gets used regularly. We got her at 7 weeks when she was so, so tiny. And now, she is something like 13 and seems so incredibly huge. She is also incredibly feisty and bitey and scratchy. I have scars. Her nickname is Lilith because she can be a demon kitty. I look forward to when she can get fixed so she will hopefully calm down a bit. But she is adorable and has made me firm in my decision to get a cat as soon as possible. But it will be a rescue kitty that has already been fixed because I just can't handle the energy and biteyness.

There's my bear again, her name is B. But instead of a bookmark, she is being brutally attacked by an adorable kitten.

She loves attacking my little stuffed things. That is B again and my hedgehog named John Watson. (Sarah has an otter named Sherlock). River also likes to attack my shoe, hence it being in the middle of the room. Crazy thing.

Sarah and I with River one of the few times she was calm enough to stay still. She slept on Sarah for about 10 minutes, then on me for about 5 and then she went back to attacking things. 

6 - The Mortal Instruments

Becca, Sarah, and I went to see City of Bones. I don't think it was the opening night, but we dressed up as Shadowhunters anyway. Complete with black clothes and rune tattoos (temporary, unfortunately). Such a good movie. Obviously, the book is better, but it was so fun to see these characters we love on the big screen. Though there were some plot points changed that I was bummed about, the characters were perfect for me. I originally hated Jamie Campbell Bower for Jace, but it didn't take me long to be won over. And Kevin Zegers as Alec, Aiden Turner as Luke, and especially Robert Sheehan as Simon - PERFECTION. 

I somehow don't have a picture of all 3 of us - probably on one of their phones. I had three runes and it definitely did not help with my desire to get tattoos. 

7 - Floating Lantern Celebration of Elizabeth Grace

August 20, 2012 was one of the worst days of my life, with many more days of equal pain to follow. A baby girl was taken from the earth and it was so hard, so hard to see my loved ones in pain. But God was there and has been there to help heal the pain as much as possible for all who loved that girl and her parents. We went to the beach on her first birthday to release lanterns in her beautiful memory. And God was there again. (Even when a cop came and told us we had to leave because apparently fire is illegal on the beach). :)

I love you, Beth. I can't wait to hold you one day. 

These things are seriously hard to light when it's windy. Recommendation: don't use them at the beach where it is perpetually windy. 

Three of the lanterns in the sky. Beautiful.

The moonlight on the ocean was breathtaking. Such a peaceful, beautiful night to remember a beautiful, precious, loved-beyond-measure, little girl. 

8 - Finding old family pictures

My amazing Grandma found some old family pictures and brought them to the cabin to show us. I took pictures of them on my phone. It was crazy to look back at them and see our family so long ago. 

I am well-known in my family to often rave about how adorable I was a baby and young kid. Seriously, I was adorable. I can't handle it sometimes. I want to pinch my little cheeks! 

Gosh, I still love swinging so much. Though, I could never swing on my knees like again ever again. 

My 2 great-Grandmas from my Dad's side. I'm on the left with my legs and arms in my shirt. The two other kids are my cousins Kaley and Lee. This summer, Kaley was named as the 1st Runner up in the Mrs. America Pagent. She is soon going to Hong Kong (I think), to compete is Mrs. World. CRAZY! She was also my favorite cousin growing up. 

All the cousins with the Great Grands. Each family is in their own color. I still have my legs and arms in my shirt. I must have been cold. Or grumpy. 

My Family! Michael, Becca, Mom, me, Dad, Sarah, Great Grandma L, Great Grandma R. We were so cute, I can't even handle it!!

Fast forward 20 something years. Me and Grandma. Yes, I am wearing my Iron Man shirt. We were working on a Thomas Kinkade puzzle. I love doing puzzles with Grandma so much. She is doing so well and is so beautiful. I am so grateful for her!!

9 - Breakfast with McKenzie

I got to meet up with Kenzie, my best friend from my mission. Her friendship toward me has been so healing over the years. No matter what I am feeling, I know I can go to her and she will drop what she's doing and help in any way she can. She listens better than almost anyone and shows pure love to me, no matter how little I sometimes deserve it. We hardly get to see each other (like, once a year), and don't talk much, but just knowing she is there makes me feel safe. I am so grateful for her. She just started her Master's program in Young Adult Fiction (I think - sorry if I got that wrong, Kenz!), and I am so proud of her and happy for her. Love you tons, my friend!

10 - Despicable Me 2 with Allie

Sarah, Mal, and I took Allie to see Despicable Me 2. It was my first time to go to the movies with Allie. Her mom and I went to sooo many movies in high school. It's pretty much the only thing to do in our home town. We once counted how many movies we'd seen together, at theaters and at home. It was around 150 in a year and a half. So, movies are a rich tradition with us. So fun to be with her and her daughter for one! And the movie was hilarious!!

It is so fun watching her get immersed in stories. I'm a little obsessed with this niece-child of mine. 

Well, that's all I currently have photo evidence for, so I'll leave my catch up there. No matter how hard things get, I do know I have people I can rely on. People who love me, no matter how difficult I am. People who know me and know what I need, or at least are willing to help me figure out what I need. I am so grateful for them. By no means did I cover everyone who helps me get through hard times, this is just what was on my phone tonight. :) 

So, to all of you who help me, 

who reach out to let me know you are thinking of me, 

who let me vent, 

who invite and include me in activities even if I'm in a bad mood and can't be easy to be around, 

who take my mind off things, 

who fangirl with me (even if just through Pinterest - you know who you are), 

who make me feel that my life can still mean something despite how difficult this disease is, 

who reach out to me in your struggles, even though I have my own, so we can feel the grace that comes from helping each other,

who included me in a business venture out of love despite signs that I might not be the best person to trust with it, 

who smile at me, 

who listen to me try to figure out the wanderings of my sick, sad mind,

who text me even when I don't answer, 

who love me for me when I can't see anything worth loving...

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey, for being my fellow traveller in this messy life. 

I couldn't do it without you. 

Oh hi, remember me?

Hi, my name is Rachel.

Hi, Rachel.

It's been 4 months since my last post. What is that about?

Well, it's about general life suckage and not wanting to bring others down. And depression keeping my fingers from writing the words my brain can't stop thinking. 

Did I just come out about my depression? Yes, I think I did. 

I've had a horrible summer. And yes, it is still summer in Southeast Texas, despite being a month into technical Fall. Someday I will move to a climate that matches my personality better. Like Seattle. Or England. 

Please, please, please, God, let that happen someday. The constant heat, sunlight, and humidity saps away my identity. I need clouds and cool weather, scarves and jackets, boots and hats. Amen.

I'm not going to go into all of why I'm struggling right now. That would take way more than anyone would want to read in one post. But, I wanted to put it out there that I am fighting depression right now and it sucks. 

I said I didn't want to bring others down by talking about it. As a therapist, I know that talking about things is good. As a writer, I know that writing my experience can be healing. As a blog reader, I know how freeing it can be to read my own feelings in someone else's words. I know that depression shouldn't be a block for writing and connecting with people. But it is. And here's why it is for me. Or, at least part of why. 

When I was around 7 years old, my family went to a session of family therapy. I remember nothing about it except one question and family conversation that shaped the rest of my life. 

The therapist, for some reason, asked us who was the most mentally stable member of the family. Through a short discussion, it was decided that I, a little 7 year old with horrible bangs and an underbite, was the most stable. 

(As a therapist now, I can not even fathom what on earth that therapist was thinking by asking such a question. Because A, it doesn't matter who is the most stable. And B, that is wayyy too much responsibility to place on anyone, let alone a 7 year old, youngest child who wants nothing more than to be the best daughter and sister possible).

That decision told me for the next 17+ years that I had to be strong. I had to be happy and optimistic and a "peacemaker" and if I was sad, doubtful, hopeless, upset, I needed to hide it for the sake of my entire family. My little 7 year old mind learned that the future of my family rested on me being happy and obedient and faithful (because the therapist was a member of our church, so though I don't remember, I am positive aspects of faith and lifestyle were talked about there as well). I had to be emotionally perfect or I was letting everyone down. 

That was my role in the family. Happy peacemaker. Though I am trying to change it, in a lot of ways, it still is my role. I don't fault my family at all for this (though I do fault the therapist to some extent). This is part of family dynamics that emerge in every family. Roles develop and family systems strive for homeostasis. I know I am not the only happy peacemaker in the world. It truly is not their fault.

But, it was damaging, as almost any static family role is. 

Except for a 4 month period in 7th grade, when I "rebellious," (read: snuck out to a dance, watched an R-rated movie, fought with my parents) I have striven to be the perfect child. And for the most part I was. And that just further ingrained the belief that I needed to be perfect, because in my mind, it was my emotional stability and happiness that kept the family together and helped things go the best they could, despite some sticky situations. 

I learned to force my sadness away. Because when I was sad, I didn't have enough faith, and if I just had more faith the sadness would go away. 

I learned to completely ignore any doubts or questions I had about our beliefs or the way our family worked. 

I learned that if someone else was upset, it was my job to go cheer them up.

I learned that if two of my family members were mad at each other, I was supposed to go explain the other person's side to calm things down. 

Is it any wonder I became a therapist? 

I learned that any emotion that wasn't positive was bad and I had to get over it. Read my scriptures, pray, serve, get a blessing. Those things would solve everything. 

And for a long time, that worked. My "negative" emotions often weren't strong enough that they needed to be heard or felt. So, they quietly faded into the back of my heart. 

Well, it doesn't work anymore. 

I can't ignore my emotions anymore. 

I can't ignore that my body is being ravaged by a systemic, progressive disease. (Rheumatoid Arthritis, or as many patients prefer, Rheumatoid Disease; arthritis is a symptom, not a cause of the disease). One in which something like only 20% of patients have a 20% improvement on harsh medications. (can't find accurate stats now, will do a post with that info in the future). One that is treated with chemotherapy drugs and biologic shots that cost $2000 a month. One that makes me unable to be insured traditionally because no insurance wants to invest that kind of money into one person. One that makes disability a very real possibility for the near future. 

Every major joint in my body is pounding as I write this. Has been all day. 

Scratch that - all summer. 

I can't ignore how utterly hopeless that makes me feel. 

I can't ignore how fiercely angry it makes me feel, either. 

My 2 month break after graduation to recuperate from Grad school has turned into 5 months of hell.  

There have been moments of good (which I am going to be documenting in pictures soon). But the majority of the time I am paralyzed by pain and fear. 

And it sucks. 

I haven't even been reading much because I can't handle being in my head that much. So, I've numbed the pain with compulsive Netflix watching. And bejewelled blitz. 

(Hello Doctor Who! The Doctor has been a HUGE good that has come from this summer. I'm seriously in love with the show. And did you know, today is Matt Smith's 31st birthday? Happy Birthday, Matt!!!!)

I'm supposed to start working again soon. Which I know in some ways will be really good for me. And I do love being a therapist and I look forward to reconnecting with some of my former clients.  

But mostly, I'm afraid of the pain I will be in driving 45 minutes to work and sitting through sessions and doing the marketing necessary to start up a new client base in a new private practice. 

The reality is that I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to do good therapy anymore. I'm scared I won't find enough clients to pay my bills. I'm scared I'll let my own needs get lost, because that is my definite tendency. Despite my love for doing therapy, there is a big part of me that wonders if it's the best thing for me to be doing now. But any other realistic options are almost as scary for different reasons.

Anyway, back to the purpose of this post... 

Why I didn't write. And why I'm going to try again.

Life became hard enough that I could no longer just write about things that made me happy, like the books I was reading and the novel I was starting. And since there wasn't anything happy to write, I stopped writing. 

Because I've been taught to be silent about my struggles. 

Unless, of course, I have some beautiful, faith-filled explanation of how I see God's hands in my trials. That was the one exception to being silent. 

Well, honestly, I haven't seen His hand in a long time. 

So I was silent. 

But I know that is not good for me. 

And I've been reading a bunch of blogs that make me want to share my experience. And tonight that desire manifested as a near panic attack of writing need. 

I know I need to rock the boat and disengage from the role I've been forced into my whole life. 

It's not right to expect people to ignore their emotions. I believe in emotions. Deeply, fervently. Even the nasty ones. Maybe even especially the nasty ones. 

And I want to express them. I want to put them out there. For me but also, hopefully, for someone else who will read what I write and learn that their emotions, however hard, are okay. 

So, yes, I am sad, depressed, angry, scared. In pain. 

And I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how to have full faith through this. 

I don't see how things are going to get better because the fact is my body is getting worse and worse every day. (My most recent blood test, the Vectra test, put my firmly and decidedly in the severe RA range which means I will have lasting joint damage). And that's scary. 

I don't know how God is being glorified in my suffering or even He is or ever will be. Maybe this is just a shitty result of living in a fallen world. 

I don't know. And I hurt. 

But I don't want to be silent anymore. 

And neither should you. 

What's Up Wednesday/Ready, Set, WRITE!

What's Up Wednesday is a weekly meme geared toward readers and writers, allowing us to touch base with blog friends and let them knowwhat's up. It is run by Jamie Morrow and Erin Funk. Jamie has a link at the bottom of her post with everyone who's joining in each week. 











So, I didn't get a post up last week. I knew I'd be traveling at the time, but I thought, surely, I'd have the time to write on the blog. Brought my computer, thought about blog posts...then I got to the beach, and all thoughts of my computer were gone from my head. I didn't open my computer once. I mean, can you blame me?

My nieces! 

Storms at the beach

Low tide

 Happy baby!

WHAT I'M READING:

Well, I thought I'd be putting Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor here. Then last night, I could. not. stop. And finished it at 3 am. (Good thing I'm taking a break from working right now, eh?) Oh man, it was so good. 

So, now I guess I'm reading the next book. I have it on my shelf, but haven't picked it up yet. I have some things I have to do before I open it, or I know I won't be able to do anything else. I love books like that!! Oh yeah, it's called: Days of Blood and Starlight. I am so excited to read it!

(Also, finishing Daughter of Smoke and Bone means I've read 12 boos so far in the month of June. And I plan to read at least one, hopefully two, more books before the end of the month. YES!

*source

WHAT I'M WRITING:

Again, I didn't have a post last week CAUSE I WAS AT THE BEACH! (Oh...the button is at the beach...)

Anyway, my goals for the first week didn't quite work. I think I wrote 3 out of 7 days. I was hoping for at least 4 out of 7. But I should have known that between packing for the beach, and actually being at the beach, there just was not enough time. So, I didn't reach my goal, but I feel okay about it. 

Knowing that it was hard for me to get in 7 days of writing, I'm going to pull the goal back a little, but still have the same idea in mind. I want to get in the habit of writing every. single. day. But, maybe I need to work up to it. And that's okay. I'm allowed to not be perfect. And really, if writing every day was easy, wouldn't everyone do it?

So my goal for this week of Ready, Set, Write: Write 5 days this week. Hopefully write at least 500 words per day. 

Any 5 days between now and next Wednesday. I still have some wiggle room for things that come up and keep me busy (or occupied watching Sherlock), without one day ruining my goal. And if I can get at least 500 words in each of those 5 days, I'll be happy. Obviously, I'd love to write more than 500, but  I can go for at least that. 


WHAT INSPIRES ME:

Two words: Benedict Cumberbatch. 

*source

I know tons of people have loved him for a long time, but the first time I saw him in anything was the weekend of my graduation when my family saw Star Trek Into Darkness. And I thought, "hmm... he's attractive. And his voice is delicious." But that was about it. 

Then the week before we went to the beach, I started watching Sherlock. And I was a goner. 

And then Saturday we saw Star Trek again and I about died. 

I exploded my friend's Pinterest feeds with almost 200 pictures of Mr. Cumberbatch. TWO HUNDRED. Ridiculous. 


WHAT ELSE I'M UP TO:

My break is starting to wind down, so I'm hopefully going to be job hunting soon. Which I'm not excited about. But it has to happen, I guess.

I'm pretty nervous about doing therapy full time. It's very emotionally exhausting and I don't know if I'm quite in the emotional state to do it 40 hours a week. Part time I can do, for sure. But full? I don't know.

So, I'm also going to be looking at other options for a part-time job. I would love to find something related to writing, books, reading, publishing...who knows. The problem is, there's not a whole lot of options like that in my city. The only publishing companies here are for technical manuals or textbooks. Which is NOT what I'm interested in. So mostly, I just have no idea what options there are, or if it's even possible to find something like this. Hopefully I can find something.

Any ideas?


What are you up to???

A Note on Comments & NYC Pics

Hey all!

Like every blogger, I love me some comments. Yesterday was especially awesome. You guys are awesome.

I try to reply to all the comments y'all leave. Sometimes I'm better at it than others, but I do try.

And I've noticed something.

For some of you, the comment shows up in my inbox from a no-reply blogger thing. And some show up from your actual email addresses. So, I've developed a system.

If your email address shows up with the comment, I will reply to you through that and you'll get my response in your email inbox.

If your comment shows up without your email, I'll reply on the blog post below your comment. That's less fun cause I know I often forget to go back to comments I've made and see if there's been a reply. But, it is what it is.

So, if you care to check and see if I've responded, hop back over to the post, and there will probably be something there within a day or two.

This is definitely not the most insightful or important post I've ever written, but I wanted to get all that out there.

And seriously, you people are awesome and I'm so excited to connect with you!

-------------------------------------------------------

To make this post a little less boring, here are some pictures from my recent trip to NYC! Some are repeats from my Twitter account (@RachReflects), so sorry if you've seen some of them. :)

Me at the new Cake Boss Cafe. Man, the cookies and mini cake I got were sooo delicious!

With the old French Horns in the Musical Instruments exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I wanted to play them all. Especially that one with the intricate design in the bell. *swoon*

Those cute Elephants! I loved that little one, he's my friend. At the Museum of Natural History. 

Dreaming of being published someday. Possibly with Simon & Schuster. 

The Sister and I waiting for Wicked to start! Holy hanna it was so good. And I will be seeing it at least once more this summer (possibly twice) at our local theater. 

The Sister and I at the Survivor Tree at Ground Zero. 10 minutes later it was pouring rain. 

What's Up Wednesday #3

What's Up Wednesday is a weekly meme geared toward readers and writers, allowing us to touch base with blog friends and let them know what's up. It is run by Jamie Morrow and Erin Funk. Jamie has a link at the bottom of her post with everyone who's joining in each week. 

What I’m Reading:

I'm currently reading Beautiful Chaos by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl. Book 3 of 4. I’m really enjoying this series. I knew I would, I just waited a long time to start. I love all the characters. Especially the supporting characters. I find the world incredibly interesting and appropriately frustrating. I read the first two very quickly but have been taking my time with this one. I especially love that, thanks to the movie, I now picture Macon as Jeremy Irons and hear his voice in my mind. Oh, that man’s voice…

Also, I love that this book was co-authored. I’ve written plenty of research papers with a partner and it was always hell. Only with a few of them were we able to come close to sounding like one author. It’s hard! But these two do it so well. Granted, I haven’t read any of their other work, so I wouldn’t know if their individual author voices came through at any point. But, if I didn’t know before that it was co-authored, I would have been shocked.

I also recently read Blood Red Road by Moira Young. LOVED IT! I can’t wait to finish the books I’m on so I can read the second book in this series. It was a little hard at first to figure out how to read it because there are no quotation marks with the dialogue. It all just reads together, as if the MC, Saba, is telling the story directly. Unsettling at first, but I ended up liking it.

It’s funny, with the combination of the southern accents written into the Beautiful Creatures series and the Dust Lands series, my internal voice has developed a much stronger southern drawl than normal.

What I’m Writing:

My Ready, Set, Write goal for week 1:  

Write every day. 

No word count goals. Just write something, anything every day.

I plan on working on my novel every day. But, if I’m unable to do that, I’ll write something else. Write a blog post. Write in a journal. Work on world building and write that in a notebook. Just something.

I know that’s a really simple goal, and general good practice for a writer. But it hasn’t been my practice so far, despite telling myself over and over it would be. So, hopefully with more accountability, I’ll come closer.

But, realistically, there’s a good chance this goal won’t happen. And if so, I’m not going to beat myself up about it. As is normally my reaction to not meeting goals. I’m going to try to accept it as part of my process and something I have to practice and fail at in order to get better. As long as I write more days than I don’t, I will be happy. Eventually I’ll get to writing every day and then I can move up from there.

But I have to start somewhere, right?

What Inspires Me:

You. All you other bloggers out there. Everyone who writes and puts that writing up to be seen and read and felt by other people. Strangers.

You. All you who have joined Ready, Set, Write because you want to not only write, but you want to be part of something. Part of a group of people with similar goals but depths of differences and uniqueness. A group full of people who want to improve their writing, but won’t settle for just that. Who want to also help others do the same. People who want to connect and build friendships over huge distances. Who want to share encouragement and experiences and hardships and triumphs.

You 5 women who put this together. Who joined together to create a group which has a scope small enough feel attainable, but big enough to be meaningful. Even doing things unknown and maybe a little scary (I’m lookin’ at you, Erin, and joining Twitter; though I am sure there are other aspects of this that have felt scary and new to each of you). You who recognized the need we writers have to come together and support each other, and made a platform to meet that need.

All for the love of words.

I think that’s beautiful and inspiring. 

And I can’t wait to continue to be inspired by every one of you participating.

What Else I’m Up To:

Well, I’m trying to pull myself out of the funk I’m currently in. I did a load of laundry yesterday, so that’s good. I have a few things I HAVE to do today, so I’m hoping that will get me off my butt.

Next week, my sister and I are going to a private island in South Carolina with my best friend and her extended family. I went with her 8 years ago after I graduated high school and I am so excited to go back. I am much closer to more members of her family now than I was then, so that will be good. Monday is my birthday and we’ll spend a good portion of the day travelling. Then Tuesday is Sister’s birthday. And then Thursday is my niece’s first birthday. (We refer to Best Friend’s family as ours; so her sister’s baby is turning one). Lots of birthdays, all celebrated at the beach!

I can’t wait to relax on the beach and read and soak up some sun. And lay tons of kisses on those babies.  I plan on bringing my laptop and still writing to keep up with my goals and get a little blogging in. But, if I’m having too much fun to open that laptop up, I am bringing a notebook, so I will still get some writing done no matter what. 


What are you up to this week?

Source for Beautiful Chaos
Source for Blood Red Road

Ready, Set, Write!

A lot of you have probably seen this on other blogs the past week, but today is the day to sign up for Ready, Set, Write.

Hosted by Jamie Morrow, Erin Funk, Alison Miller, Katy Upperman, and Elodie Nowodazkij, Ready, Set, Write is a Summer writing group...thing. Click on any of those names and it will you take you to a better explanation than I can come up with at 12:30 am.

So, yeah...*awkward silence, crickets chirping*...  

...Button!!

The past two weeks since I last wrote have been difficult. Hence the whole not writing for the blog thing. Which crossed into to not writing much anything in my novel either. Which then became a nasty cycle of self-criticism and doubt and worthlessness and all those fun things I tell myself we all experience. (We do all experience these things, right? This isn't just me? Cause really, hoping I'm not alone in this was the only thing keeping me somewhat in my right mind. More on this... sometime... hopefully soon).

Soon after I wrote my last post, my sister's little Yorkie died. Pippin. She was 7ish years old. It was very sudden and unexpected and way harder on all of us than we would have imagined. So, yeah, that was hard. Add on top of the emotional pain the physical pain of digging in packed clay in South Texas in the summer when you have chronic pain... Not exactly my definition of a good time. 

Then, the day after we buried her, we went to a funeral for a 22 month old boy whose parents I have known from church for years. He drowned. It was a beautiful funeral and the faith of that family is incredibly inspiring. I never met him, and haven't talked to the parents in years, but it was still really hard for me. 

So, those two things put me in a funk that resulted in sitting on the couch and watching Teen Wolf for a week. Teen Wolf. The show I made fun of and couldn't understand why anyone would watch. The show my dad loves for some reason, causing me to make fun of him mercilessly. But last Monday they had a marathon leading up to the Season 3 premier and I thought, "what the heck? Someone said there was great cinematography. And it has the super cute boy who's playing Thomas in the Maze Runner, so I'll just watch it for him." 

And just like that, I was hooked. Embarrassingly hooked. Now it is my sisters making fun of me. But it's a very entertaining show! With LOTS of great eye candy. And seriously, Dylan O'Brien (the one playing Thomas) is so amazing in this show I am left with my mouth hanging open in awe. 

So, yeah, I watch Teen Wolf. Get over it. :)

Anyway, that's a good explanation of the past two weeks. Two funerals, Teen Wolf, lots of reading, and general laziness and self-loathing. No biggie. 

But! I am going to try to do better! And I'm hoping this Ready, Set, Write will help me in that endeavor.  Anyone else interested in joining? Visit any of those blogs up top and join us!

Sign ups are today (thought I am sure you could still sign up later). Then tomorrow, we will all state our goals for the coming week at What's Up Wednesday on Jamie's blog. 

Be excited. 

*Goes back to check Twitter for any more Teen Wolf updates... and hangs head in shame...*